


To Define a Crisis

by alsoyouremischievous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Never Have I Ever, Pretty Sirius Black, Remus Lupin is a Little Shit, Sexuality Crisis, Transphobic Peter Pettigrew, at least I think so, that kinda flies over Remus & James' head
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28742610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alsoyouremischievous/pseuds/alsoyouremischievous
Summary: “Never have I ever had a sexuality crisis,” James proclaimed with a fair amount of intrigue.Nevertheless, he was a little surprised when both Remus and Peter put a finger down without any fuss.“Really?”“Why are you surprised? You’re the weird one here, Prongs,” Peter snickers.James is helpless to prevent the offended tone his voice takes on when he asks, “And why’s that?”
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	To Define a Crisis

The dorm room was quiet until the sound of the thick (and textually dry, although this had no effect on the decibel created on impact) History of Magic textbook slammed against the stone wall and thudded to the floor. It lay there, flopped open with crumpled pages, unimpressively, and it was silent again until Remus heaved a tired sigh. 

“Problem, Prongs?” 

James let out a distressed groan and swivelled until he was sitting up facing his friend but remained determinedly slumped. “I know Sirius threatened to disown us if we did anything interesting while he’s serving detention, but if I do homework any longer my eyes will turn to sludge!” 

Moony’s eyebrow quirked up dispassionately. 

And alright, James could admit that doing homework - that would need doing anyway - in Sirius’ absence was more than a fair price to pay for him taking the fall for their last prank. It was entirely the honourable thing to do. But James was  _ so bored.  _

In the face of Remus’ lack of agreement, but noticing Peter peering hopefully around his canopy curtains, James threw on his most convincing face (and if by convincing face he actually meant his most pleading eyes, then that was neither here nor there) and implored, “I’m not saying we should do anything  _ really  _ interesting like play never have I ever with that firewhisky I have in my trunk.”

“Then what are you saying we should do?” 

“... Play never have I ever  _ without  _ the firewhisky that I have in my trunk?” 

The more sensible marauder looked unmoved for a moment before sagging forward with relief. 

“Thank Merlin you broke before I did because I was this close,” he narrowed his eyes at his pinched fingers then met James’ eyes solemnly, “and I would never have recovered from having less tolerance for homework than  _ you _ .” 

“Oh, shove off.” James shoves Remus’ shoulder as he passes and drops to the floor, beckoning the others over. “Alright, remember boys: not  _ too  _ much fun.” 

* * *

By the time they get to their third round, Peter having won the first two, they had had what was mostly an appropriate amount of fun, and James was itching with the temptation to ask some more interesting questions. 

“Never have I ever had a sexuality crisis,” James proclaimed with a fair amount of intrigue. 

Nevertheless, he was a little surprised when both Remus and Peter put a finger down without any fuss. 

“Really?”

“Why are you surprised? You’re the weird one here, Prongs,” Peter snickers.

James is helpless to prevent the offended tone his voice takes on when he asks, “And why’s that?” 

Remus and Peter exchange a glance. 

“We room with Sirius...” Peter trails off.

“Who is gorgeous,” Remus supplies. 

“And constantly wanders around the room with no shirt on.”

“That too,” Remus nods. 

“Sirius?!” 

Remus looks sceptical. “Surely even if you haven’t had a crisis over whether you’re into guys, you must notice Sirius is good looking? I’m pretty sure my crisis was more because near the full my hormones get thrown even more out of proportion than any regular teenager’s, and Sirius just happened to be good looking and shirtless in my vicinity. Still, even before that happened I could see he’s, well, a stunner.”

“It was how pretty he is that threw me off personally but when I realized I wouldn’t want to... have  _ sex _ with him or anyone with his set of genitals that I knew for sure I wasn’t actually into blokes, which was a relief,” Peter adds. 

James did not know what to do with this information, therefore deciding to ignore it was a very understandable course of action. 

“Right. Your go, Wormtail.” 

“Never have I ever been cursed to have my Adam’s apple disappear by a redhead with a vengeance.” 

“Oh, fuck off!” 

* * *

The three marauders were back in the thick of their homework by the time Sirius returned from sweeping greenhouses as his detention. 

“This is child labour, surely! It’s colder than Hades’ bed before he kidnapped Persephone out there, and those greenhouses have enough dirt to-” 

“Grow things?” Moony deadpans.

Sirius snorts, “And not even a thank you from you lot!” 

He wags his long pointer finger at all of them. “None of you had fun without me, right?” 

James grinned up at him, “How could we?”

“Quite right, Prongs,” Sirius’ faux stern expression softened, his pink lips settling into a fond smile even as he rolled his eyes at the cheek.

“I need a shower to put some warmth in my bones boys, don’t miss me too much,” he winked.

His eyes were such a startling blue-grey, now that James was looking past his familiarity with them, framed by dark lashes. Sirius really was terribly pretty, all high cheekbones and straight nosed. And those lips...

James watched as his best friend swivelled away, his silky hair swaying at his shoulders.

Well, this History of Magic reading wasn’t going to finish itself. 

James stared at the same sentence for three-quarters of an hour. 

_ Clamourtongue the Mad was a fearsome warrior and yet is more famous for conning an army of dwarves out of their gold in the year 1798, and his methods influence common Goblin values to this day.  _

When the door to the bathroom opened again, James started and looked up to see Sirius walk in. In his boxers. While rubbing his towel against his wet hair. 

There was a drop of water glittering enticingly on his collarbone before Sirius moved the towel to dry the spot. His arms weren’t always so toned, were they? And the V of his hips were- James pulled his eyes away from where they had drifted. 

He put his head back down and continued staring at his book. 

“Gods I’m tired lads, am I alright to put the lights out?” 

James’ hands start putting the book away automatically while he very carefully doesn’t look up. Peter gives an affirmative from across the room, and the room goes dark.

James lies down. He shifts uncomfortably. He opens his mouth.

“I hate you both so fucking much; why the  _ hell _ did you point that out?” 

After half a second Moony and Wormtail break into helpless snickers.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if I should have posted as a oneshot or not because I'd love to add to this fic but I don't have anything more than this written yet - I really only posted this now because I know I love getting any prongsfoot content I can so hopefully someone out there appreciates this! Let me know if you'd want this continued.


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